NFR: Kellen Winslow slapping the funky monkey when arrested?

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Pudge
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NFR: Kellen Winslow slapping the funky monkey when arrested?

Postby Pudge » Fri Jan 17, 2014 11:18 am

Really, the synthetic weed is called Mr. Happy and Funky Monkey??? It just makes this story more perfect... :lol:

http://www.nj.com/jets/index.ssf/2014/0 ... rt_m-rpt-1


Illegal contact? Witness: Jets' Kellen Winslow Jr. was masturbating in his car

Print Dom Cosentino/NJ.com By Dom Cosentino/NJ.com
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on January 17, 2014 at 9:00 AM, updated January 17, 2014 at 10:13 AM

When Jets tight end Kellen Winslow Jr. was arrested for possession of synthetic marijuana outside a Target in East Hanover back in November, police were called to the scene because a woman thought she saw him masturbating in his vehicle in the parking lot, according to court documents.

The redacted incident report from East Hanover police shows that on Nov. 19 at 5:30 p.m., cops responded to a call from a woman who said she had parked her vehicle in a spot to the right of a black Cadillac Escalade outside the Target along Route 10. A man was sitting inside the Escalade with the window open, said the woman, whose name was redacted in the incident report. That man would later be identified as Winslow, 30, who lives in Madison.

From the report:

As she exited her vehicle, she commented to the male regarding how cold it was. As she stood near the open driver side window of the Escalade, she observed the males [sic] erect penis. She stated that she believed he was masturbating. [The woman] provided a written statement regarding her account.
By the time police arrived, an officer found Winslow allegedly "slouched in his seat and moving around." Winslow sprang to an upright position when the officer arrived. When the cop asked Winslow what he was doing, Winslow allegedly said he was looking for Boston Market but was lost.

The cop noticed Winslow was wearing "dark colored" sweatpants and wrote that "his genitals were not exposed." But the cop also noticed "two open containers of Vaseline on his center console" and plastic bags marked "Mr. Happy" and empty plastic containers of "Funky Monkey" scattered throughout the vehicle.

Winslow allegedly told police he smoked the "Mr. Happy" and "Funky Monkey" at his home to relax because the NFL doesn't drug test for it, and that he buys the stuff on the internet and at gas stations. Police say he consented to a vehicle search, and after a few items were seized into evidence, Winslow was free to go.

Lab tests that came back on Dec. 23 revealed Winslow was in possession of synthetic marijuana. He was formally charged on Dec. 30, and last week he pleaded not guilty before a judge in Superior Court in Morristown.

The incident report lists lewdness among the alleged crimes, but Winslow was not charged with anything relating to alleged lewdness.

A 10-year NFL veteran, Winslow just finished his first season with the Jets. He is scheduled to be an unrestricted free agent in 2014.

The entire East Hanover police incident report can be found below.
"Vincere scis, Hannibal, victoria uti nescis" -- Maharbal, 216 B.C.E.

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Re: NFR: Kellen Winslow slapping the funky monkey when arres

Postby AngryJohnny51 » Fri Jan 17, 2014 11:33 am

And some wanted him to sign here. :mrgreen:

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Re: NFR: Kellen Winslow slapping the funky monkey when arres

Postby Pudge » Fri Jan 17, 2014 12:43 pm

Kellen Winslow's jiz rag > Chase Coffman

8-)
"Vincere scis, Hannibal, victoria uti nescis" -- Maharbal, 216 B.C.E.

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Re: NFR: Kellen Winslow slapping the funky monkey when arres

Postby thescout » Fri Jan 17, 2014 3:26 pm

You can't make this stuff up! :lol:
Sometimes running the Mularkey offense makes me feel like I'm in a prison.


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