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Been working on cleaning the clutter from the house. I thought I saved things but tons of papers to look through making sure I don't through out the wrong stuff. I think if I take a little at a time and my sister helping and brother in law it will get done. We just want a good value for the home since dad worked so hard for it. Brother in law said something about a public auction you probably take less but don't deal with the problems of fi xing it up. Were going to weight how much it costs to fix up using contractors and the other options.

Going through the clutter takes my mind off the grief a bit. If I find something to keep me occupied then I don't sit around thinking of the memories.I will tell you my brithday is coming up August 26 I'll be 46 yrs old. Guess were old men compared to Pudge and some others on the board but with age comes expereience and knowledge of life. I think we all should count our blessings there are always worse situations in the world we can be under.As long as you have a roof over your head,food and some good friend to get you through tough times everthing else is gravy.

Went over to the sister's house the Jack Russell wan't all hyper like she usually is. She just turned 77 which is 11 in dog y ears. I always kidded my dad Lexy ( dog) is as old has you are now but she still doesn't know any tricks except crawl on her belly. We dress her up in clothes like a prison outfit,raincoat,Santa outfit etc .Their really funny to see and dad loved the dog like I do. She always wants her belly rubbed,but not today she kind of seemed subdued. She doesn't know she won't see granddad again.Dogs have memory but I don't know if they really feel sad if the person never comes back to see them. Watching the dog whisperer show he says dogs don't think in the past or future just now.

BB, I'll have to look in the phone book to see what furniture stores buy used furniture.I wonder how much you lose money wise with the dealers vs consignment stores? We certainly not going to throw things away just to get rid of it. We do have a coin collection my granddad had one of the coins is wor th some money can't remember the name of the coin. My sister already said what she wanted in furniture and I'll take a few things from my self.Things th at have sentimental value while they might not be worth alot are worth more to you than money.

I have alot to do tomorrow guys keep posting your stories are interesting and gets me through these tough times,thanks.

I think this clip of Stevie Wonder singing at Michael Jackson's tribute ceremony expresses how I feel now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aejQHbet5YY

Working up a sweat dealing with financial issues and cleaning the house of clutter. At least the work takes my mind off the grief just try and keep busy that helped when mom passed away 2 years ago. Tomorrow will be a hard day which is the day of the funeral. I try and take pictures to remember dad by like I did mom. I certainly never thou ght I would be burying dad this time last week when both of us travel to the cemetary and see mom's grave.

A person's circumstances can be changed in a heartbeat and I've always heard its how you bounce back that matters. I'm at the lowest of lows but I do count my blessings. I was fortunate to have great parents who were always there to help. Not everyone can say that so I am lucky. Also after the insurance money and house sold etc I'll have some money in the bank to eventually buy a house maybe down in Indianapolis. I don't like apartment living b ut will have to put up with it for awhile. Somebody won the 250 million powerball,rats in South Carolina. I would take whatever and be happy at this point.

Personally, I'm buying 'Scout' futures. This is damn hard. But, your Father raised a good man.

Dont forget BB's advice: there may be more in store you might not know..I know it hurts like a SOB, but look through all the stuff.

The service is what awlays gets me. 'He was such a good man', so sorry for your loss' and all...

That what doesn't kill me....blah blah blah. The whole thing sucks dicks. I feel the emotions a little bit reading your posts. AAK. What a F*cked up horrible time this is for you. Scout: awww f*ckit. There is no magic 'feel good' platitude. This just sucks.

Sorry, Buddy.

Here's my weak ass attempt to make you feel better:


Micheal Turner


That's gotta help a little, right?

I have to look at the bright side as bas as it is now I can go pretty much where I want without having to worry about dad's health. He worked hard to provide for his family and I will absolutely make sure I buy a house with the money eventually. I am not one of these people that try and keep up with the Jones's. You know those that buy a new car ever 3-4 years just to have something nice. I believe in having money in the bank and not having credit card companies breathing down your neck and debt. I have had some financial issues myself dealing with Cr Cd companies and once I pay off Bank of America who jacked my rate up from 14 to 24 percent even though I pay the maount everything I am never letting them take advantage of me again. Cr Cd companies are loan sharks who will do what they need to keep the money rolling in.

I just hope I move to the right town and Indy is better than Ft Wayne but still it can get boring. It's interesting do you move to a place because of a job or go because you think its a good city that is affordable and then find what job is available. Indy is one of the most affordable big cities in the U.S. Then again at least a house you can sell and move somewhere else so I understand both points. I don't like apartment living but will need to for a little while then I can buy a small house. Me being a sax player you can't play in an apartment so I guess the ideal would be to rent a house but I think the cost are very high. In addtion I am also going back to school just to learn a new trade been in customer service and sales for a long time. Maybe its the sales jobs I have had where people call in and you try and sell them something just alot of pressure. I worked retail sales selling Dell Computers part time that was better th an a call center but any sales job your going to have pressure to make quota. Like most jobs there probably are good sales jobs and bad ones which I probably have had the bad ones. Customer service really companies always say how impotetant it is but they don't pay squat to people who are good at it. Alot of things to weigh in addition to the grief issues of dad dying.

I think I might snap out of this sooner than I think.It's inevitable are parents will die and so will we some day. It's just that death's timing always seems to catch you buy surprise and few of us are prepared to handle when it happens. Moving stuff out of the house today it sort of helps since you associate certain items with loved ones. Dad's bed,chair are now ready for the garbage man no longer in the house. Eventually when the house sells yes it will be painful because of so many memories here but we all have to move on and build are own lives.

Indy has alot better eating places than Ft Wayne. I love barbeque and while I have found a cheap place in Ft Wayne that is good in Indy there is more to choose from. On the flipside I am really going to miss eating out with dad.There are certain things you do with your dad or mom and when there not here you miss the times you had with them.

I forgot Fun Gus I haven't debated you on the small/big markets in awhile.Probably when we know who makes the playoffs but my money is going to be on the Yanks and Red Sox or any of the other big markets to make it. I don't want to debate now since I am dealing with all this other stuff.

Think I am coming around where I can talk football more but you guys know I have alot of other things on my plate.I guess its called life and trying to weight all your options. When I am going through all this clutter I certianly am looking through things piece by piece making sure there are no valuables thrown out or info that could be stolen and used against you .

In a way a 1000 pound weight has been lifted off my shoulders but another 1000 pound weight is going to be added trying to settle somewhere. All those issues I think there will be good and bad days I am going to have to deal with.Those special moments in life you wished your parent were there just have to stay busy and do good works for people. I think the closer you are to a person the more it effects you in grief and shock.

I lived in Indianapolis before I moved back here so that may help because I know the city better. Not sure how Colubus Ohio compares its a smaller town, college town, probably higher cost of living. I don't have alot of connections so it does make it harder try to get somone to give you an opportunity but I am used to that and will make do.

I think were all old enough to realize that connections,friends are very important in getting opportunities.I'm on facebook and have reconnected with people back 27 years.The site is great however only about 5% of the people even email you back so making good friends is still hard to find. Well if any of you guys have any connections in Indianapolis or even Columbus I certainly would appreciate it. I'm in an expert in customer service,can do sales however not my favorite thing and just looking for a company if you do good work your rewarded. I'm a college grad having 3 degrees Business Administration.Music Performance, Psychology.I have one year of MBA business courses but probably won't finsih since I want to specialize in a field that has some growth.

Tomorrow will be a tough day having to bury dad.My grief might hit me hard tomorrow will see. Thanks again for listening it helps writing out my thoughts.

Good luck at the service, Scout. That's an awful day, no doubt.

Thanks Bnb, I am sure I might choke up and it will probably be a tough day.

Hey Scout!!..... We are thinking of you today. Let your emotions flow, grieving is very, very important. My Dad died while I was overseas in the Military. He had a heart attack at age 48 and went quick. I hadn't seen him in a few years. He was a Navy Vet, so he had the whole ceremony. I was proud to wear my uniform to his funeral...but I still whined like a baby. I never regretted showing my emotions. And to add a little humor to the tragedy, it was Super Bowl Sunday. So I did what he would have done as well....I sat in his favorite chair and watched the game. I will be thinking of you on one of the hardest days of your life. But things will get better, slowly....but your Dad raised you to take care of business...so I'm sure everything will work out fine. One word of advice...go back to school...you mentioned something in the Medical field....that is a very good choice...Do it as soon as you get everything taken care of...do not put it off.

thinking of you today, buddy. BB's right: let it all out.

Guys I can't say enough how grateful I am for you guys helping me through this tough time. Today was the funeral and overall it went well.A nice sunny day out and it was good to get it over with and move on. I walked into the viewing and they had a big picture of my dad like someone painted it in a frame. I thought wow that is cool found out later its somethign they started a few months ago and they sell alot of big pics.They don't give you the frame which is not problem I'll buy one. Our plan is to have a big pic of mom and dad so my sister as hers and I'll have mine.

Went to the casket to see dad,they put some makeup on him didn't look the same. I don't know why they put makeup on same thing happened to mom she looked different when she was in her casket. My dad is from Pennslvania and most of his friends have passed away or don't live in the so there were just a few people there. I really didn't get coked up like I did mom 2 yrs ago. Maybe its the initial shock is gone and I have accepted dad is gone and perhaps for some reason when you lose your mom you feel choked up more. I love both the same but for different reasons.

I mainly talked to people that were there,took my pics at the viewing and that was it. At the funeral no many there and I didn't get choked up again.I was reserved and calm so maybe I am experienced at this and know what to expect. The first one is the hardest you have never dealt with grief. I do know that I will have feel decent then grief can take over and it's the lowest of the lows. It will probably hit me when I go to the cemetary and know both are buried there and I can't just talk to them while they were living. I could be just tired out and the shock is gone ready to move on.Things like eating out,watching Braves games,movies,jazz concerts I'll certainly miss dad. My sister's jack russell my brother in law said lexy(dog) were going to see pappy and her ears perked up. Poor dog doesn't know he's gone.

From your experience guys when your first parent passed did it hit you harder than the 2nd that is of course both have passed or even if one is still living. I think I am about ready to talk some football not quite ready for the big market/small debate,haha.

Oh one more thing you can take old pictures and they'll put music to them on a DVD. I'll probably get it done for mom and dad bu t go the walmart route and get done cheaper. I know I could do myself but I am pressed for time with other things.

BB, yeah I plan on going to school part time and work full time like I did with my business degree.A 2 yr degree in the right specialty can pay off big.Sure be nice to go in fulltime but I need the money and school costs can put you into debt fast.

I thought about you a time or two as I worked today wondering if in the early afternoon you were at the service. Glad you have it behind you. I agree on the makeup, etc. My folks are to be cremated and I have the same plans for myself. That vessel left in a casket that they display is only tangentially the person you knew. The face almost haunts you but I sometimes like to look at their hands. My grandfather had crushed the bones int he fingers of one of his hands in a printing press and throughout his life they were stiff and straight and he told me the story over and over of how a doctor told him they'd have to be amputated and he decided he needed another doctor! They were what I took one last look at.

Lots of is to dot and ts to cross for you in coming weeks and months I guess. Hopefully you and your sister will see eye to eye on everything. Many families become strained at this time so endeavor to do what you really think your father and mother would have you do. Our little MB family is about more than draft picks and game strategy. This becomes more apparent to me as the years pass. the games/team are merely the backdrop.

Hey man, PM me and let me know what you want done in terms of a DVD 'memorial' type thing. One of my band nerds does that kind of stuff, or at least could likely walk me through it. I'd be happy to help.

Scout, I think your question of Worst/First is interesting, but I guess alot depends on the family...My Mom had COPD ( what we used to call emphysema ) so it was not a 'shock'. The old man had pancreatic cancer, so that came on fast..I guess the 2nd funeral hit me harder, but then: it was my Dad, the last parent, and we were closer...

you know, it's real tacky and I just have to ask....forgive me.

please tell me that SB Sunday was NOT Jan 31, 1999?

That is more or less the punchline for the famous Auburn/Bama game joke where the old lady with the empty seat next to her explains to the guy who is incredulous that no one sits in it that her son is at her husband's funeral that day.

No problem Gus....no it was 1983...Redskins and Miami.

Just tuned in, and I'm infinitely sorry to hear that Scout. Knock on wood, I can't imagine losing my Dad. If you're a chip off the block I'm sure your dad was a wonderful guy, and the world will be a worse place without him...but a much better place because of him.

Swayze, hey thanks man I appreciate the nice words. It's certainly going to be different not having one or both parents around. I'm not the first guy to go through this but when both parents die and it was somewhat unexpected it sure tests your metal. I just took a look at the online course I am taking in Human Anatomy, ridculous the maount of stuff you need to know in one week. The teacher said the online course is alot tougher than going to class with a 80-90% failure rate. Who made this course that hard compared to going to class? Why? I am going to need to study 2 hours a night for this it seems. I have more on my plate than ever with dealing with the loss of dad, selling the house,financial issues, looking to move to another city which means a job and apartment.Whew,I still ned to count my blessings but I don't think I've been tested this much in my life. Got to take one thing at a time and if I can get through this storm I should be able to get through anything.

Today Edward Kennedy died on August 26. You know what else happend on that date? You guessed it it's my birthday. Anyone have the winning powerball numbers sure would help at this time. It will be hard in the future come my birthday since I buried dad on Aug 25th. It will get better in time but still a signifcant day for me on 25th and 26 of August.

Happy Birthday, Scout. My son's 19th was yesterday.

A not so happy birthday, but try to enjoy it if you can. It may take some time, but maybe in the future you can combine your birthday celebration with a celebration of your dad's life.

bittersweet. Scout, since your father passed so quickly with the stroke, this might sound bad, but did he get you a card or a present for your Bday before he had the stroke? If so, I would cherish that card alot. My Father had Pan Cancer, so he knew he only had a couple months to live. But, he made sure before he died that he got everybody in the family something 'special'. He passed on my sister's B Day, but he wrote her a very special card and gave her somehting from my Grandmother. My B Day is in May, and he wrote me a note inside my B day card explaining various things I really needed to hear, and I will hold that letter close forever, and one day show it to my own son.

My Father was also a very funny guy: with a sick, sick, sick sense of humour. I recall us all having a laugh watching 'meet the parents' the scnene where Mr Whiskers takes a dump after the urn falls off the mantle? He used to joke he wanted my step mom to get a cat, name it 'Fred the Turd' ( his name Fred Jr ) and have his cremated remains put in the catbox so basically he could crap all over himself for etewrnity. Wouldn't you know it? Even though he was really sick, he found some way to buy a catbox with 'Fred the Turd' on it, and it was a Bday present for ME last year The jury is out on how he pulled this off, since I was basically taking him everywhere since the date he got diagnosed! He must have done it through one of the nurses, or his Apt office, or a catalougue, somehow he got that damn box and there it was on May 25th for me. I laughed and cried so f*cking hard that day. NOw, thanks to that sick bastard I have a cat and a catbox in my house because stepmom was having none of it.

I hope that little anecdote cheeres you up for aminute, I still snicker when I see the box in the corner

Hey thanks guys just got done with today even tohugh it's my birthday haven't had much time to celebrate. Usually will have a little cake and some small presents but I got a card from sis and some movie passes but no cake. Oh well when I get a chance to rest I'll drive down to Indy get some great ice cream. Today was pretty hectic meeting with the lawyer and real estate agent. We've known the agent for almost 30 years and he knows his stuff. The market looks pretty good that is if you want to sell as is without fixing it up. Heck I have time free rent the house is already paid for. The agent thinks if we want to get it on the market to sell quickly not fixing it up is the way to go. My brother in law who makes 140,000 a year says he can't take any more time off work and seems to want the quick sell. It's alot easier for him to think qucik sell since he has money rolling in and I don't. The cost to fix up probalby is around 15,000 maybe if that much and the hoise if fixed up probably goes for 107-112000. When not fixed up 90,000 so it looks like we could be selling fairly quickly according to the agent.

Have about a week to get everything free of clutter and working with my sister sometimes gets on my nerves. You know complains about this and that instead of just working.Then she starts pitching things ou t with out knowing if its valuable. I told her I am going to do that work she doesn't know what is good or bad. I once had indiian head pennies which probalby sell for more than a penny.She took them and bought gum with them, She wants to come early tomorrow and told her what are you going to do she says I'll pack the books and ornaments. That won't take 6 hours so what is she going to do except get into stuff and complain. No thanks rather do it myself withou t all the hoopla. I get get more done in her when I am rested but she's coming over early and I'll probably be tired.

Sounds like they want to ram rod this house and get it done.Will make some money but I was hoping for 8000 more. I am going to drop those classes at the college since this is taking so much time. I know put it off another semester but I j ust don't have the time since this happened at the worst time. I'll t ry and keep up wi th the Falcon's and Braves but just getting through the day is enough now and for awhile before it settles down.

Haven't had alot of time for grief but when it settles down and I am rested I'll think about dad more.When someone is close to you it hurts alot more than a parent that isn't close.I'll ned to look at some different cities and probably stay around these parts. Colubus Ohio or Indy whatever gives the best job opportunity,cost of living.I like Columbus its a college town. I used to go to Wichita State kind of a medium college but there was some real hotties. Ohio State I might spntaneous combust since its one of the bigger colleges and probably a ton of hotties.Seriously, I do like college towns but those other factors play bigger parts.

I kind of hope it doesn't sell right away just so I can get some rest and look at some different cities by driving there.Dad really never bought cards for people just gave them money. He had his own humor kind of dry but could tell stories hour after hour kind of like me writing that looks like a novel.

That's a good thought Pudge instead of dreading Aug 25 or Aug 21st when he died celebrate his life and my birthday.Wish I could relax and just settle down to see what's happening in Falcon land but I am real tired now. Lost 10 pounds since last Thursday so much for the Jenny Graig diet.

I need to get some rest sis will be here yapping away in the morning. See ya later,Scout.

Sunday, working like a dog still cleaning the house. I t seems I am doing 75% of the work while sis does 25%.Here's the kicker my brother in law thinks I should leave when we get the house up for sell since its a disadvantage to sell the house. What do you guys think? I have busted my butt for the last week doing most of the work yet my sister believes everything my brother in law says. I told her I'll listen to what the real estate agent says who we have dealt with for almost 30 years not my brother in law. Maybe I should work a little slower since besides selling the house I am going to need to find a job in Indianapolis or Columbus probably and find a place to live. That's a whole another issue which I haven't had much time to deal with but trying to do some reserach, Indy is cheaper than Columbus.I lived in Indy
for 4 years before coming back to Ft Wayne. Ft Wayne is to small for me plus lesser opportunities even in this recesion.

I t's funny the people who looked at our house even before it gets on the market told oour real estate agent they realy need to sell their house before they buy.In my opinion plenty of people live in their house before it sells and the way I've been working 95% of the stuff in the house will be gone and no clutter which is alot better than most people who still sell their house even if they live in it.

The last thing I need is for my brother in law to think he knows more than a real estate agent. Just the other day I asked my brother in law how are we going to move this 300 pound desk he said well looks like will have to tear it down( break it apart). My brother in law is about 230 pounds me about 182 now after losing 10 pounds in last week.I noticed he did odd and end things in the garage taking tools and stuff which is ok. When it comes to the heavy hard work he seems to tire easily. After he and my sister left guess what. I put the 300 pound desk on its side and hauled it to the garage by sliding it in 20 minutes. Last thing I want to here from is my brother in law who incidentially makes 140,000 a year in heating and cool business. He is set but rang up alot of bills trying to keep up with the Jones. The money once the house sells will be split with sister and me. That money will pay down his debt which my dad wouldn't like because he got himself into living high on the hog yet my dad's money is used to help him. I could careless what my brother in law says I'll listen to the real estate agent.

Was able to watch the Falcon game yesterday you'll notice my comments on the other forum.Got things to do take it easy guys.

2 things, Scout...One, if your going to sell the house, make sure it's not 'empty'. I have a rental unit that I tried to sell a couple years ago, and the realtor told me 'staging' the house is important. Make sure to leave some of that furniture and lamps, etc...

Also, you mention the house is paid for. Have you thought about renting it until the credit market loosens up? Alot depends on the neighborhood, local economy and rental market. I'm sitting on my unit ( no jokes, please ) until this thing turns around and banks are lending again.

Scout, do you know why they call them 'In Laws' and not 'Out Laws'?











wait for it

wait for it




Because Outlaws are WANTED!

Scout, I'm sorry I was not posting in this area when this happened. My Parents are both 86
and I hope when its their time, they go fairly close together like yours.

God won't give us more than we can handle, but I know your never ready.

This is about 2 years later and I hope things have gone as good as possible. We're both lucky to have them this long, but no rationalization helps. Just time.

Cyril, hey thanks for your kind words I appreciate them.It's good to have friends who are there to help even in your darkest days. I am lucky in the fact I had good parents and they lived to their mid seventies. I can't imagine being without them like some people early in their lives. I took my mom's loss harder 2 yrs ago probably because she was the first parent to pass away. She was an outgoing person but me an dad have many other things in common like eating out ,going to jazz concerts,watching Braves games,politcs etc so it is hard when lose someone with so many things in common. Also the fact he helped financially anytime I needed it and a great provider to his family. We aren't rich just middle class but the work ethic he has makes me want to dedicate whatever success I have to my parents and Jesus. I try and not get into religous debates but those are my personal goals.

Dad passed away Aug21 actually 3 Friday's ago and it still is hard to believe he isn't here. Cyril, your parents are in their mid 80's wow must have great genes. Some people may think well they lived a long life(referring to my parents) and I know that is true but when you do lose a parent no matter the age you do feel great loss and something in you is empty until hopefully were reunited in the after life at least my beliefs are. Death is so final and when it comes your least prepared for it at least most of the time. Times like these my religous beliefs help out alot.

I have been so busy which is a good thing and have lost about 10-12 pounds in a short time which is actually healthier for me. I may one day see my abs again which is hard to say when middle aged. I am not depressed nearly as much as I was when I first lost dad.Time does heal your sorrows but there will always be moments when you think of your parents or loved ones and have a hard time controlling yourself emotionally.

There is a book called Don't Sweat The Little Things and what we think is important like material things really aren't when we review our lives. Sure people want to live quality lives but its the good things you do for people and the many friends you have that make life worth while.