It is currently Sat Apr 19, 2014 4:13 am

All times are UTC - 4 hours [ DST ]





Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 5 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: Toy Movies that Need to be Made
PostPosted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 10:32 pm 
Offline
Superstar
Superstar
User avatar

Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2005 12:59 am
Posts: 2083
Location: Deepinthehearta
These made me chuckle

------------------------------
He-Man and the Infinite Sadness
And other genius responses to Slate's create-your-own-toy-movie contest.


Upon the release of the near-unwatchable yet wildly successful Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, I challenged Slate readers to come up with their own movie titles and tag lines based on a toy from their youth. And you rose to the occasion like a Jenga set. Here are some favorites from the hundreds of submissions that poured in over the past week. (Thanks to Slate interns Adrian Chen and Inci Atrek for helping me cull through the inbox.)

A favorite category was titles that stressed the peculiar gender melancholy of the action figure. Adrian Lewis suggested When Barbie Met Gumby, with the tag line "It's possible for a man and a woman to just be friends when neither of them have sexual organs." Christa Dahlstrom imagined Malibu Ken and Barbie's Endless Plastic Summer, and Erik Tramontana proposed He-Man and the Infinite Sadness. He-Man's rubbery, hypermasculine frame seems to have haunted a lot of your childhoods. Jeremiah McNeil contributed the hilarious He-Man: Briefs of Rage and Shawn Bean the meta-grammatical He-Man: The Tyranny of the Unnecessary Third-Person Pronoun.

But traditionally girlie toys inspired their share of titles, too. Donald Oral came up with Betsey Wetsey: Après Moi, Le Deluge! Dan Hieb contributed Strawberry Shortcake: Whipped. And Joe Silber's ominous tag line is poster-ready: Night of the Cabbage Patch Kids—This Time, Your Vegetables Will Finish You. A reader identifying him- or herself only as Cavanaugh envisioned a Cabbage Patch slasher film called The Coleslayer. Poor Mr. Potato Head was the object of much imagined mayhem (Steve Hurst: "In the fryer, no one can hear you scream"), but perhaps my favorite Potato Head-themed title simply stole from a pre-existing movie: Mr. Potato Head: Eyes Without a Face (Alyson Garber). Two separate readers, Ben Coccio and Kelly Pickett, dreamed up the same tag line, inspired by the infernally catchy Monchichi ad jingle: Mon Chi Chi, Mon Chi Chi: Oh, So Soft and Deadly.

One endearing subset of entries imagined plotlines based on the less-than-cinematic destiny of real childhood toys: I loved Dominic Bertelli's Lego Ship Apocalypse: Menace of the Mom Expecting Company and James Priest's Lego Pirates: Journey Through the Bowels of My Little Brother. James Lebo lodged a kind of retroactive consumer complaint with Voltron: Awkward Connection at the Hips.

The second-banana status of Go-Bots, a cheap Transformers knockoff, was highlighted by several titles: Jeff Ryan's Go-Bots: Revenge of the Trademark; Shawn McKinnon's Go-Bots: Waiting for Our Loud Overlong Movie that Critics Hate; and Joe Trabucco's heartbreaking Go-Bots: Revenge of the Poor Kids.

Then there were the many titles that made me laugh through their sheer absurdity. Teddy Ruxpin: Ursine Upheaval (Mark Gaberman). Pet Rock II: Satanic Moss Insurgency (Dominic Bertelli). Lincoln Logs: Rise of the John Wilkes Booth Logs (Christopher Fannon). I have no idea what Rainbow Brite: The Lurky Dismal Sanction means, but I like the sound of it (as well as the sound of the name of the guy who contributed it, Travis Horseman).

There were more equally funny entries than I have room to list here, but Ken Schoenwetter takes the grand prize for two contributions, the first complex enough to include a pitch with casting. In Silly Putty: The Blob of Turin, "Tom Hanks battles ancient societies and the Vatican over the real story behind a mysterious image found on a gob of vinyl." Ken's second entry, by contrast, is a model of elegant simplicity: Slinky: Death Spiral. Ken, if you e-mail me your mailing address, I'll think of some appropriate prize (a toy, perhaps?). Thanks to all who contributed.

Even the illustration accompanying this column is a reader submission, designed by James Sambrook. (I would have been afraid not to publish James' entry, given that his e-mail signature identifies him as an employee at the "Lethality and Effectiveness Branch" of the Naval Surface Warfare Center in Dahlgren, Va.)

Dana Stevens is Slate's movie critic.

Article URL: http://www.slate.com/id/2222091/


Copyright 2008 Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Co. LLC

_________________
Fantasy League Champion 2010
Pick Em Co-Champion 2011

We are building a fighting force of extraordinary magnitude. We forge our tradition in the spirit of our ancestors. You have our gratitude.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Toy Movies that Need to be Made
PostPosted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 12:18 am 
Offline
Purveyor of Truth & Justice
Purveyor of Truth & Justice
User avatar

Joined: Thu Dec 23, 2004 3:03 pm
Posts: 25552
Location: North Carolina
This one made me laugh out loud:

Lego Pirates: Journey Through the Bowels of My Little Brother.

_________________
"Vincere scis, Hannibal, victoria uti nescis" -- Maharbal, 216 B.C.E.


Top
 Profile E-mail  
 
 Post subject: Re: Toy Movies that Need to be Made
PostPosted: Thu Jul 09, 2009 3:46 pm 
Offline
Superstar
Superstar
User avatar

Joined: Mon Nov 20, 2006 2:08 pm
Posts: 1286
Location: Atl GA/Fayetteville GA/ PCB FL/Edgewater,NJ
Some I'd suggest...

Plastic Parachute Guy: Unraveled

Nerf Boomerang Episode IV: Dad, Where Do We Keep The Ladder?

Easy Bake Oven: Now We're Cooking...Kind Of.

Nerf Boomerang Episode V: Not In The Goddamned House!

Sea Monkeys: So That's It?

_________________
Disregard anything I say that may offend you, as I am most likely drunk.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Toy Movies that Need to be Made
PostPosted: Thu Jul 09, 2009 5:20 pm 
Offline
Draught Guru
Draught Guru
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 01, 2007 7:32 am
Posts: 4815
Lawn Jarts, the musical, featuring the Blind Boys from Alabama :lol:

_________________
"what if there were no hypothetical situations?"


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Toy Movies that Need to be Made
PostPosted: Sat Jul 11, 2009 11:34 pm 
Offline
Superstar
Superstar
User avatar

Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2005 12:59 am
Posts: 2083
Location: Deepinthehearta
GI Jose: Mexican Hero from Family Guy was pretty awesome.

_________________
Fantasy League Champion 2010
Pick Em Co-Champion 2011

We are building a fighting force of extraordinary magnitude. We forge our tradition in the spirit of our ancestors. You have our gratitude.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 5 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 4 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Jump to:  


cron